Demand heard and followed through.
I am here, here, now. I am open too the cosmos, the universal oneness. I have opened my heart, and opened my mind. I have opened, blossomed.
Hear, you are.
Life is showing itself through me, watching and learning through the children. They are here to teach us, we must listen.
We must stop ourselves, humbly see ourselves. What are we saying? What story are our actions telling? and to whom?
The realization of ourselves.. Harmony and miracles have abated my life here, now, on this earth.
The realization and appreciation that my family chose me, my friends chose to take on this mission, with me... this realization...empowers me beyond comprehension.
Long before I had a clue what I meant, I have thanked my children (in english, out loud) for choosing me as their mother. I had no idea how, or why I knew this to be true, I only believed and spoke from my heart.
The more I am here, now, the more I observe, the more I see this to be true.
They are here on a mission, they are here to teach, they are here.... to show us Heaven.
They have the perfect reflection, the clear mirror...
if you listen.
xixi
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
choose love
There must be some sort of "act of congress" that finally demands me to sit down & put the thoughts into words. Into some sort of tangible, real thing.
I think about this thing I have labeled, the "life" project, or simply... life every single day. In fact, it is easy to say it is the only thing that stays, day in , day out. Doesn't discern itself from spirit to spirit, circumstance to circumstance. It is apparent that this is my destiny, creating this system that incorporates all humans for all life.
Sounds enormous, so many words to really say "let's work together", let's create a "system" that works "for" all of us. Let's set something up, ourselves, together.
Let's stop bitching about the "them" and create and "us"?? a "we"....
Let's cut out all our "middle men", Let's work together, for each other, with each other.
This seems so logical, simple.
doable. able.... frankly, because it is!
Let's create a "system" that incorporates all of us doing what we LOVE to do...
Lt's create a garden together, let's cook together. Let's get what we need directly from the source. let's grow locally, together, everything we can.
**insert***
{Hemp... the reason hemp is illegal is because it's multi-purpose uses eliminate most of our "consumption". Hemp provides all the food you need, the clothing, housing, transportation, fuel, energy, nutrition etc, etc, etc,
Before consumerism, it was a law that you had to grow 5 plants, minimum, for each house hold}
**exit**
Let's help each other, let's heal together.
Let's laugh with one another, let's mend together.
Let's support each other,
guide our strength, together.
Let's live together, sing, dance, create, & love one another, together.
Thoughts come so much faster than I can write or speak this shallow and insignificant language. The physical act of writing opens a fascinating door, one directly to my soul.My soul has a direct link to the oneness. The more I become aware of myself, the more I am learning to dwell there.
I am learning to dwell in the House of the Lord.
Life, my life, as I reflect the way I live as a role model of the "life" project my heart speaks of...
I certainly see the growth, & the realizations that lead me to a big questions & then ***POOF***
In a new dream where I am unaware I am in the middle of a lesson. As I dawn on the new lesson & it's purpose, a new realization has occurred & once again, I am aware of myself.
One of the last questions I recall asking was: how do I expect to speak about family & love when the relationship between myself & all I claim to love, is scattered?
& the realization that:
a. it takes two.
b. the situation is serving a larger purpose. The scattered relationships are telling their own kind of story. They are bringing about realizations & changes that are astronomical in proportion.
3. Forgive
A large part of the purpose of our existence is to seek realizations that will bring a perspective that is healthier, sustainable, enriching, enlightening & loving for ALL life on this planet.
It seems so far from real to see the ignorance we live. Brain wash abundant.
Awareness has reached it's 100th monkey effect.
Miracles are occurring.
The wave effect is happening.
I see it in the eyes of those I love.
It is time for us to live as one.
The governing goes away when you let go of the idea that we need governing.
When left to our hearts to decide, happiness and love is what we would ALL choose.
The walls are coming down.
I know it's a lot, but if I'm going to push, I may as well go all the way.
Build a new foundation, the new platform with which we will begin this new kind of life.
From the very simpleness of the beginning;
the beginning of new relationships, new ways to live, new habits, new perspectives.
What is needed for a healthy mind? A rich lifestyle? A grateful livelihood? A belly laughing kind of existence? A take your breathe away style of living? A heart melting kind of love?
1. A morning ritual = for you, by you. First thing in the morning, take care of you.
(eat a healthy breakfast (oatmeal), take a walk in nature, in the elements, journal, meditate, poop, stretch.
2. Create = create something out of nothing.
3. Be passionate = let time slip away, do what you love, something your good at, your posture strong, your confidence high.
4. Healthy Energy = What you put in, comes out.
5. Learn = Teach. Look for opportunities to do both, in everything. Find your lesson. Work together.
6. Laugh = Take it easy, let it go. Create a win/win
7. Share = Reach out, give, show appreciation with the grit of you.
8. Love = Smile. Understand, forgive, see yourself in others. Be a gentle guide to yourself in all others.
9. Be present = Be aware of yourself, give yourself undivided attention.
10. Be grateful = Say thanks. Remember who you are & all that you have to be thankful for.
~awareness in the existence of love.
~your life, in it's physical sense.
~your soul, in all it's oneness.
11. Share a meal with someone.
12. Bless = be blessed
13. Forgive = "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us"
Amen = so be it, and so it is.
xoxo
I think about this thing I have labeled, the "life" project, or simply... life every single day. In fact, it is easy to say it is the only thing that stays, day in , day out. Doesn't discern itself from spirit to spirit, circumstance to circumstance. It is apparent that this is my destiny, creating this system that incorporates all humans for all life.
Sounds enormous, so many words to really say "let's work together", let's create a "system" that works "for" all of us. Let's set something up, ourselves, together.
Let's stop bitching about the "them" and create and "us"?? a "we"....
Let's cut out all our "middle men", Let's work together, for each other, with each other.
This seems so logical, simple.
doable. able.... frankly, because it is!
Let's create a "system" that incorporates all of us doing what we LOVE to do...
Lt's create a garden together, let's cook together. Let's get what we need directly from the source. let's grow locally, together, everything we can.
**insert***
{Hemp... the reason hemp is illegal is because it's multi-purpose uses eliminate most of our "consumption". Hemp provides all the food you need, the clothing, housing, transportation, fuel, energy, nutrition etc, etc, etc,
Before consumerism, it was a law that you had to grow 5 plants, minimum, for each house hold}
**exit**
Let's help each other, let's heal together.
Let's laugh with one another, let's mend together.
Let's support each other,
guide our strength, together.
Let's live together, sing, dance, create, & love one another, together.
Thoughts come so much faster than I can write or speak this shallow and insignificant language. The physical act of writing opens a fascinating door, one directly to my soul.My soul has a direct link to the oneness. The more I become aware of myself, the more I am learning to dwell there.
I am learning to dwell in the House of the Lord.
Life, my life, as I reflect the way I live as a role model of the "life" project my heart speaks of...
I certainly see the growth, & the realizations that lead me to a big questions & then ***POOF***
In a new dream where I am unaware I am in the middle of a lesson. As I dawn on the new lesson & it's purpose, a new realization has occurred & once again, I am aware of myself.
One of the last questions I recall asking was: how do I expect to speak about family & love when the relationship between myself & all I claim to love, is scattered?
& the realization that:
a. it takes two.
b. the situation is serving a larger purpose. The scattered relationships are telling their own kind of story. They are bringing about realizations & changes that are astronomical in proportion.
3. Forgive
A large part of the purpose of our existence is to seek realizations that will bring a perspective that is healthier, sustainable, enriching, enlightening & loving for ALL life on this planet.
It seems so far from real to see the ignorance we live. Brain wash abundant.
Awareness has reached it's 100th monkey effect.
Miracles are occurring.
The wave effect is happening.
I see it in the eyes of those I love.
It is time for us to live as one.
The governing goes away when you let go of the idea that we need governing.
When left to our hearts to decide, happiness and love is what we would ALL choose.
The walls are coming down.
I know it's a lot, but if I'm going to push, I may as well go all the way.
Build a new foundation, the new platform with which we will begin this new kind of life.
From the very simpleness of the beginning;
the beginning of new relationships, new ways to live, new habits, new perspectives.
What is needed for a healthy mind? A rich lifestyle? A grateful livelihood? A belly laughing kind of existence? A take your breathe away style of living? A heart melting kind of love?
1. A morning ritual = for you, by you. First thing in the morning, take care of you.
(eat a healthy breakfast (oatmeal), take a walk in nature, in the elements, journal, meditate, poop, stretch.
2. Create = create something out of nothing.
3. Be passionate = let time slip away, do what you love, something your good at, your posture strong, your confidence high.
4. Healthy Energy = What you put in, comes out.
5. Learn = Teach. Look for opportunities to do both, in everything. Find your lesson. Work together.
6. Laugh = Take it easy, let it go. Create a win/win
7. Share = Reach out, give, show appreciation with the grit of you.
8. Love = Smile. Understand, forgive, see yourself in others. Be a gentle guide to yourself in all others.
9. Be present = Be aware of yourself, give yourself undivided attention.
10. Be grateful = Say thanks. Remember who you are & all that you have to be thankful for.
~awareness in the existence of love.
~your life, in it's physical sense.
~your soul, in all it's oneness.
11. Share a meal with someone.
12. Bless = be blessed
13. Forgive = "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us"
Amen = so be it, and so it is.
xoxo
Monday, January 9, 2012
Alaska Air Napkin
"They" say the best stuff comes out on a napkin or in an elevator....
The feelings of wholeness have entered long enough to see how I must consciously work toward the oneness.
Exhaustion set in quick when I am fractled & allow fear to lead.
I pray that I am able to be a humble servant to God, my soul, the holy ghost (her guides & Teachers) & my beautiful family.
Fear creeps around, this illusioned ego tries to insist on failure. I certainly was unable to hear or listen to some of the callings, I obviously refused to step thru open doors, I am aware of the situations that needed my Love & compassion, instead I fed the fear & lonliness, opposite of my intention.
On the other hand I have been observing quietly as I intend to do.
My anger has made me out as the bad guy. My patience & silence, surrender & love shall lead me back out. I ask to recieve & hear your guidance.
I pray to let go of the insecurity & fear I often hoard and choose instead to go, do...interact with the family of souls that found me here. I do pray the love that has carried our souls this far, returns. Or rather, shows itself once again.
It goes around & comes around.
The accusations & finger pointing proves time & time again that there are 4 fingers pointing back @ the self. I am no longer fearful of action that are not thought out & chosen. I have healed enough to see with compassionate interaction. I choose to put myuself out there to seek healing & to heal. To love & be loved. Theres no longer a need to run from myself. I am beginning to feel the warmth of my light. I am on the journey to shine, for all to see.
I love finding old notes, they always lay out wishes I don't even recognise, until they are hind sight... 20/20. You'd think this would make it clear... if I want it, define it, let it go. Later, look back & there it is, as I wished.
xoxox
The feelings of wholeness have entered long enough to see how I must consciously work toward the oneness.
Exhaustion set in quick when I am fractled & allow fear to lead.
I pray that I am able to be a humble servant to God, my soul, the holy ghost (her guides & Teachers) & my beautiful family.
Fear creeps around, this illusioned ego tries to insist on failure. I certainly was unable to hear or listen to some of the callings, I obviously refused to step thru open doors, I am aware of the situations that needed my Love & compassion, instead I fed the fear & lonliness, opposite of my intention.
On the other hand I have been observing quietly as I intend to do.
My anger has made me out as the bad guy. My patience & silence, surrender & love shall lead me back out. I ask to recieve & hear your guidance.
I pray to let go of the insecurity & fear I often hoard and choose instead to go, do...interact with the family of souls that found me here. I do pray the love that has carried our souls this far, returns. Or rather, shows itself once again.
It goes around & comes around.
The accusations & finger pointing proves time & time again that there are 4 fingers pointing back @ the self. I am no longer fearful of action that are not thought out & chosen. I have healed enough to see with compassionate interaction. I choose to put myuself out there to seek healing & to heal. To love & be loved. Theres no longer a need to run from myself. I am beginning to feel the warmth of my light. I am on the journey to shine, for all to see.
I love finding old notes, they always lay out wishes I don't even recognise, until they are hind sight... 20/20. You'd think this would make it clear... if I want it, define it, let it go. Later, look back & there it is, as I wished.
xoxox
Thursday, December 29, 2011
a letter to my son Adrian
It's odd that it's taken so long to realize a letter sure would be an effective form of communication for us.
I love to see the words, they are completely malleable at this stage. I can change them if I need to, before they become my truth, in your mind.
Before the idea of this letter, I had been asking for a way to apologise to you Adrian.
What a wild experience, finding myself the mother of a 20 year old son that I've forgotten how to have a relationship with. It's ironic to me, actually it's a huge "real"ization of; you only see what your willing to see. I spent the first days of your existence writing letters to you. Everyday I'd write to you, about everything. My first child, my first true love, my baby. Here I am, writing my first real letter in years, and years.
A letter of gratitude and a letter of deep, sorrowful apologies and more love than could ever possibly be put into mere words.
All the personalities and souls that exist within me (we call Justina) are here, standing impatiently for their "side" of this story of us... Adrian and his mom.
In my quest to find myself, I found one thing that applies to everything as one.
It is love, or the cry for love.
It seems like you and I have been crying for love or to learn how to love for a long, long, long time.
Where do you go to learn how to love, even ourselves if no one we know knows how? What do you say when none of the words we know speak the language of our hearts? Where do you go when your not sure of the way? How do I say; I'm sorry, I'm not sure where I lost you but I am determined I'll find the way, I know that everything is going to be alright.
We go inside. We remember our own heart.
Somewhere along the path & more than likely there were many different places, I lost faith in us, in our love.
I was a coward.
In order to become that, I first believed what I was told, I lived the story I was given and believed.
I am beginning to understand and believe that everything happens for a reason. To help us wake up to specific realizations that will in turn create a picture larger than our human understanding. But, I also believe that you can choose the hard way, or, the less hard way.
In my experience so far, that means we must communicate = find a way to express our hearts in order to make things most enjoyable, gratifying, and loving as possible.
Walking away dropped the ball for all of us in communicating. It also enabled many of our strengths to come forward and be known.
Never, in my wildest dreams would I ever want to become the crazy, angry mom who doesn't know how to have an enjoyable relationship with her son. Living the part in this story is breaking our hearts and it is time to move on.
It is important now for us to find a way to forgive ourselves and each other for the millions of heartaches we have suffered and find a way to share our love with each other. I will stop being circumstantial & focus on our health: emotionally, spiritually, physically, and connectively. Together, as a whole, our family is amazing.
You are the smartest person I know.
I'm excited to concentrate on our strengths, our passions,the things that make us go hmmmmm, and the things that take our breathe away & that make our hearts beat fast & put our muscles to the test & our love out front and forward.
When we walk away from another fantastic experience, our bond will be apparent in everything for miles around.
I'm achingly sorry for the hurts I've caused and the pain I've put you through and the gallons of tears I've caused you to shed, alone. I'm sorry for all the nights I've missed snuggling you, and helping you, and learning from you, and teaching you, and hearing you, and laughing with you, and enjoying the beautiful, amazing son I have in you.
For the rest of my earthly days and the eternity after that Adrian Ralph, I will be showing you how grateful I am for your existence in my little world.
I love you, MTICS,
all ways,
always,
Mom.
I love to see the words, they are completely malleable at this stage. I can change them if I need to, before they become my truth, in your mind.
Before the idea of this letter, I had been asking for a way to apologise to you Adrian.
What a wild experience, finding myself the mother of a 20 year old son that I've forgotten how to have a relationship with. It's ironic to me, actually it's a huge "real"ization of; you only see what your willing to see. I spent the first days of your existence writing letters to you. Everyday I'd write to you, about everything. My first child, my first true love, my baby. Here I am, writing my first real letter in years, and years.
A letter of gratitude and a letter of deep, sorrowful apologies and more love than could ever possibly be put into mere words.
All the personalities and souls that exist within me (we call Justina) are here, standing impatiently for their "side" of this story of us... Adrian and his mom.
In my quest to find myself, I found one thing that applies to everything as one.
It is love, or the cry for love.
It seems like you and I have been crying for love or to learn how to love for a long, long, long time.
Where do you go to learn how to love, even ourselves if no one we know knows how? What do you say when none of the words we know speak the language of our hearts? Where do you go when your not sure of the way? How do I say; I'm sorry, I'm not sure where I lost you but I am determined I'll find the way, I know that everything is going to be alright.
We go inside. We remember our own heart.
Somewhere along the path & more than likely there were many different places, I lost faith in us, in our love.
I was a coward.
In order to become that, I first believed what I was told, I lived the story I was given and believed.
I am beginning to understand and believe that everything happens for a reason. To help us wake up to specific realizations that will in turn create a picture larger than our human understanding. But, I also believe that you can choose the hard way, or, the less hard way.
In my experience so far, that means we must communicate = find a way to express our hearts in order to make things most enjoyable, gratifying, and loving as possible.
Walking away dropped the ball for all of us in communicating. It also enabled many of our strengths to come forward and be known.
Never, in my wildest dreams would I ever want to become the crazy, angry mom who doesn't know how to have an enjoyable relationship with her son. Living the part in this story is breaking our hearts and it is time to move on.
It is important now for us to find a way to forgive ourselves and each other for the millions of heartaches we have suffered and find a way to share our love with each other. I will stop being circumstantial & focus on our health: emotionally, spiritually, physically, and connectively. Together, as a whole, our family is amazing.
You are the smartest person I know.
I'm excited to concentrate on our strengths, our passions,the things that make us go hmmmmm, and the things that take our breathe away & that make our hearts beat fast & put our muscles to the test & our love out front and forward.
When we walk away from another fantastic experience, our bond will be apparent in everything for miles around.
I'm achingly sorry for the hurts I've caused and the pain I've put you through and the gallons of tears I've caused you to shed, alone. I'm sorry for all the nights I've missed snuggling you, and helping you, and learning from you, and teaching you, and hearing you, and laughing with you, and enjoying the beautiful, amazing son I have in you.
For the rest of my earthly days and the eternity after that Adrian Ralph, I will be showing you how grateful I am for your existence in my little world.
I love you, MTICS,
all ways,
always,
Mom.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
12.12.11
It is time for the words to come thru this perfect human vessel they call Justina. What a creature eh? Born & raised, just like this. Possiblilites pouring forth. The universe showing me 100's of roads I may take, maye all the roads I AM taking, each completely possible simutaneously. Cool word.
Visions of working @ the health food sore, meeting lots of people in an environment of like minds, talking about the very thing I encompass in my life consistantlly and importantly, my health, our health, the health of this planet. Health=Wealth.
A pay check and discounts=big pluses. <3
Surrogacy. <3 Really super excited about doing this. Super excited about the people this decision is pulling toward me. How exciting. To feel a baby inside me, now that I am aware of myself gives me goosebumps to realize, soon, this will be a reality.
I love that I have always known I would one day do this. I love that it explains how I knew I would one day, deliver twins :) Exciting. I can feel the energy of the parents out there, wakin gup everyday, wondering if today is the day they will find out a baby is in the works. Just to be ther bearer of the news much less the bearer of a child. Ther perceptions (tthe things I pay attention to) that led me to this are much like the life that brought me to realize my whole life I've been learning to love Bill. I've been living to become a baby home for couples that have been longing to share their lives with an awareness miracle. YAY!
<3 Singing. singer. Sings. <3
Sometimes, my voice gives me goosebumps & I realize that I am only ever truly happy & completely free & simply me, when I am singing. Singing from deep down in the depths of my soul, generations & lifetimes breaking through, as I sing, for you.
I am, I do, I give & I receive, I laugh & I cry.
We are.
Weird. I remember saying the words as I gave myself away in my belief, in my mind.
I don't have a clue why, as to remind me, as important & urgent & even life threatening as it may seem @ the time, this too shall pass.
I gave it up, as I gave up island living.
1. couldn't live without "it".
2. Lived without "it".
3 Appreciate "it" now, more than ever before.
=Bill, the island, my family, my laughter, my voice, being a mother, intimacy, love....
Working toward selling this house, the next chapter is waiting.
Take the time to do that while singing as a first step.
The next step will appear as you make the movement toward it.
xoxo
Justina
Visions of working @ the health food sore, meeting lots of people in an environment of like minds, talking about the very thing I encompass in my life consistantlly and importantly, my health, our health, the health of this planet. Health=Wealth.
A pay check and discounts=big pluses. <3
Surrogacy. <3 Really super excited about doing this. Super excited about the people this decision is pulling toward me. How exciting. To feel a baby inside me, now that I am aware of myself gives me goosebumps to realize, soon, this will be a reality.
I love that I have always known I would one day do this. I love that it explains how I knew I would one day, deliver twins :) Exciting. I can feel the energy of the parents out there, wakin gup everyday, wondering if today is the day they will find out a baby is in the works. Just to be ther bearer of the news much less the bearer of a child. Ther perceptions (tthe things I pay attention to) that led me to this are much like the life that brought me to realize my whole life I've been learning to love Bill. I've been living to become a baby home for couples that have been longing to share their lives with an awareness miracle. YAY!
<3 Singing. singer. Sings. <3
Sometimes, my voice gives me goosebumps & I realize that I am only ever truly happy & completely free & simply me, when I am singing. Singing from deep down in the depths of my soul, generations & lifetimes breaking through, as I sing, for you.
I am, I do, I give & I receive, I laugh & I cry.
We are.
Weird. I remember saying the words as I gave myself away in my belief, in my mind.
I don't have a clue why, as to remind me, as important & urgent & even life threatening as it may seem @ the time, this too shall pass.
I gave it up, as I gave up island living.
1. couldn't live without "it".
2. Lived without "it".
3 Appreciate "it" now, more than ever before.
=Bill, the island, my family, my laughter, my voice, being a mother, intimacy, love....
Working toward selling this house, the next chapter is waiting.
Take the time to do that while singing as a first step.
The next step will appear as you make the movement toward it.
xoxo
Justina
Friday, December 9, 2011
working on a new visual board :)
CLARITY
able abstract abundance abundant acceptance acknowledge activating active adequate align allow angels appreciative appropriate ascension assist atonement attractive aura authentic available awaken aware awe
balancing be beautiful belief believe best big blessed blessing bliss bloom buoyant
calm care celebratory certain channel charitable choice chosen clear cleansing close co-creator coherent collective comfortable commitment community compassionate complete compliant concern confident connection conscious considerate content contentment contributing courage create creation creative cycle
dance decide delightful discharge divine divinity dwell dynamic
ease ecstasy effective elevated emotional empowered encompassing encouraging endless energetic energy engaged enjoy enlightened equality essential eternal eternity ethic everlasting evolutionary evolving exact exciting exploration expressive extension
faithful fantastic feel flow focused force forgiving foundation frequency full fulfilling
genuine gift giving glad global Glory God good gracious grateful gratifying gratitude great_full group growth guidance
harmonic harmonious healing healthy hear heart heaven hierarchy helpful here high high-frequency Holy home honored hope humankind humble humor
idealistic immediate immortal impersonal indivisible influential innocent inside inspirational integrated integrity intelligence intended interactive internal intimate intuition intuitive invigorating invincible invoking is
journey Joy joyful joyous just justice
kind Kingdom know knowledge
laugh learning let-go life light listening live logical love loving loyal lucid
macro manifest maturation meaningful meditating mindful miraculous mission moral motion motivating multi-sensory mutual
natural now nurturing nutrition
One open opportunity organized our
partnership passionate path patient peaceful perceiving perceptive perfection playful positive possible potent powerful pray precise presence present process profound protective provide providing pure purity purposeful
quality quantum
radiate real reality realize receiving receptive reciprocal reflective rejoice relationship relax releasing remembering resilient responsible restore reverence revival rich rise rhythm
sacred safe satisfied secure security seeking sensible servicing simple soul source special specific spirit spiritual steps still strength strive strong super supportive sustainable sweet symbolic synchronized
teaching thoughtful to together toward tranquil transforming true truth understanding
unique uniting unity universal universe unlimited unseen up
value vertical vigilant vision visionary
walk water we well-being white whole will wisdom with within witness wonderful worldly worthy
CONFUSION
abandonment absence absent abusive accidental aching acquiescent addictive afraid against agitated alien annihilation anxiety anxious arrogant artificial assuming astray attacking attitude authoritative away
banished behind bewildered bias black blaming blind blocked bored breakdown brief brutality
chaotic closed cold competitive compliant conditional conflicting conformity contaminated contradictory controlling corrupt crazy
damaging damned dark dead deceiving deceptive defensive delay delusional denial dense dependant depressed deprived desire despair desperate destructive devastated different difficult disappointing discombobulated discriminating disorder disregarded dissociated distant distorted distressing disturbed divided dominate dormant doubt down drugged duress
ego egoism eluding embarrassing emptiness ending enveloped erroneous escape evil exaggerated excluded external extorted extreme
fabricated facade failure fake fantasy fear fell five-sensory fluctuating forced forceful fornication fragmented frantic frustrating future
gain gluttonous gossip grandiosity grasping greedy grief guilt
hallucination harmful harsh hate havoc heaviness horizontal hunger hurt
I idle ignorant illusion imaginary imagined imbalanced impaired impatient imposing impossible imprisoned impulsive inadequate incapable individual indulgent insane insanity insatiable insecure insistent interfering intimidating irrational irresponsible
jealousy judgemental jumbled
kept kill kinked
lacking lies limited limiting linear lingering little lonely longing loss low lower-frequency
magic manipulated martyr matter meaningless messy micro mindless more mortal
needy negative nightmarish noisy nonexistent nonsense
obedient obligating obscure opposing overwhelming
pain panicky partiality passive past patterns perplexed personal pitfall planning poor possessive power powerless pressing pressure prevailing prideful problematic profound projection property protective punishing
questionable
unconscious unreal
rage reacting refusing rejection resentment restraining restricted retracted ruin rule
sacrificial scattered secret seduction selfish separate serious shame sick situational sleep sorrow splintered split survival stingy stressful striving stumbling submission suffering suspect suspicious swindling
take talkative temptation terror threatening time tomorrow torn torture total trauma treacherous tricky tyranny
unconscious unfair unnecessary urgent
vicious victimized violent vulnerable
wanting wanton war weak wishing withdrawn worry wrong
able abstract abundance abundant acceptance acknowledge activating active adequate align allow angels appreciative appropriate ascension assist atonement attractive aura authentic available awaken aware awe
balancing be beautiful belief believe best big blessed blessing bliss bloom buoyant
calm care celebratory certain channel charitable choice chosen clear cleansing close co-creator coherent collective comfortable commitment community compassionate complete compliant concern confident connection conscious considerate content contentment contributing courage create creation creative cycle
dance decide delightful discharge divine divinity dwell dynamic
ease ecstasy effective elevated emotional empowered encompassing encouraging endless energetic energy engaged enjoy enlightened equality essential eternal eternity ethic everlasting evolutionary evolving exact exciting exploration expressive extension
faithful fantastic feel flow focused force forgiving foundation frequency full fulfilling
genuine gift giving glad global Glory God good gracious grateful gratifying gratitude great_full group growth guidance
harmonic harmonious healing healthy hear heart heaven hierarchy helpful here high high-frequency Holy home honored hope humankind humble humor
idealistic immediate immortal impersonal indivisible influential innocent inside inspirational integrated integrity intelligence intended interactive internal intimate intuition intuitive invigorating invincible invoking is
journey Joy joyful joyous just justice
kind Kingdom know knowledge
laugh learning let-go life light listening live logical love loving loyal lucid
macro manifest maturation meaningful meditating mindful miraculous mission moral motion motivating multi-sensory mutual
natural now nurturing nutrition
One open opportunity organized our
partnership passionate path patient peaceful perceiving perceptive perfection playful positive possible potent powerful pray precise presence present process profound protective provide providing pure purity purposeful
quality quantum
radiate real reality realize receiving receptive reciprocal reflective rejoice relationship relax releasing remembering resilient responsible restore reverence revival rich rise rhythm
sacred safe satisfied secure security seeking sensible servicing simple soul source special specific spirit spiritual steps still strength strive strong super supportive sustainable sweet symbolic synchronized
teaching thoughtful to together toward tranquil transforming true truth understanding
unique uniting unity universal universe unlimited unseen up
value vertical vigilant vision visionary
walk water we well-being white whole will wisdom with within witness wonderful worldly worthy
CONFUSION
abandonment absence absent abusive accidental aching acquiescent addictive afraid against agitated alien annihilation anxiety anxious arrogant artificial assuming astray attacking attitude authoritative away
banished behind bewildered bias black blaming blind blocked bored breakdown brief brutality
chaotic closed cold competitive compliant conditional conflicting conformity contaminated contradictory controlling corrupt crazy
damaging damned dark dead deceiving deceptive defensive delay delusional denial dense dependant depressed deprived desire despair desperate destructive devastated different difficult disappointing discombobulated discriminating disorder disregarded dissociated distant distorted distressing disturbed divided dominate dormant doubt down drugged duress
ego egoism eluding embarrassing emptiness ending enveloped erroneous escape evil exaggerated excluded external extorted extreme
fabricated facade failure fake fantasy fear fell five-sensory fluctuating forced forceful fornication fragmented frantic frustrating future
gain gluttonous gossip grandiosity grasping greedy grief guilt
hallucination harmful harsh hate havoc heaviness horizontal hunger hurt
I idle ignorant illusion imaginary imagined imbalanced impaired impatient imposing impossible imprisoned impulsive inadequate incapable individual indulgent insane insanity insatiable insecure insistent interfering intimidating irrational irresponsible
jealousy judgemental jumbled
kept kill kinked
lacking lies limited limiting linear lingering little lonely longing loss low lower-frequency
magic manipulated martyr matter meaningless messy micro mindless more mortal
needy negative nightmarish noisy nonexistent nonsense
obedient obligating obscure opposing overwhelming
pain panicky partiality passive past patterns perplexed personal pitfall planning poor possessive power powerless pressing pressure prevailing prideful problematic profound projection property protective punishing
questionable
unconscious unreal
rage reacting refusing rejection resentment restraining restricted retracted ruin rule
sacrificial scattered secret seduction selfish separate serious shame sick situational sleep sorrow splintered split survival stingy stressful striving stumbling submission suffering suspect suspicious swindling
take talkative temptation terror threatening time tomorrow torn torture total trauma treacherous tricky tyranny
unconscious unfair unnecessary urgent
vicious victimized violent vulnerable
wanting wanton war weak wishing withdrawn worry wrong
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
to us
All kinds of things run in and out of my mind.Good stuff, silly stuff, absurd, interesting, terrifying, exotic, blessings, children, hope.
I constantly take deep breathes, reminding myself, I am NOT my thoughts, & I smile. I take another deeep breathe, and a good look around, reminding myself of the lucky life I live, fortunate.
In the end, only kindness matters.
There is ONLY love.Everything else is an illusion.
In order to carry the light, to allow your lifht to shine, you must polish. You must tend to the dirty stuff, inside and out.
Some of the stuff takes only a moment, only a thought, and the dirt is gone.
Other areaas however may take some swet, tears & gears.
Sometimes, after grueling heartbreak, you may go back & find there's still some there, or worse, it's back.
These spots are there because in a moment of reflection, grace & forgiveness was never given. A view from another perspective, a lesson learned.
This light I pray to be let through requires me to let go of ALL the bullshit, the fear, the sadness. It requires me to believe, to have all the faith in this world, into the unseen.
I am learning to flow. I am becoming one, one with all.
Long, long, long ago... we agreed to do this together. You help me, I'll help you.
It's easier, together. It allows us to laugh with each other & at each other. To have fun.
& that, is really all it's about.
The journey, called life.
xoxo
I constantly take deep breathes, reminding myself, I am NOT my thoughts, & I smile. I take another deeep breathe, and a good look around, reminding myself of the lucky life I live, fortunate.
In the end, only kindness matters.
There is ONLY love.Everything else is an illusion.
In order to carry the light, to allow your lifht to shine, you must polish. You must tend to the dirty stuff, inside and out.
Some of the stuff takes only a moment, only a thought, and the dirt is gone.
Other areaas however may take some swet, tears & gears.
Sometimes, after grueling heartbreak, you may go back & find there's still some there, or worse, it's back.
These spots are there because in a moment of reflection, grace & forgiveness was never given. A view from another perspective, a lesson learned.
This light I pray to be let through requires me to let go of ALL the bullshit, the fear, the sadness. It requires me to believe, to have all the faith in this world, into the unseen.
I am learning to flow. I am becoming one, one with all.
Long, long, long ago... we agreed to do this together. You help me, I'll help you.
It's easier, together. It allows us to laugh with each other & at each other. To have fun.
& that, is really all it's about.
The journey, called life.
xoxo
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
human emotion in words
I began realizing the effects of our feelings and their relation to emotions and the language we use to express them. In observation, I noticed that for the most part, we humans expressed only a few symniotic feeling words; okay, good, happy, mad, sad, pissed, depressed, fine, alright, and really mad.
I also realized that once we "decide" we are one of these description words, we can be there all day or even days if we want!
blah blah blah.
At some point I was driven to research lists of feeling words.
A few things happened as I began hanging these around the house.
When you read each word and give yourself a moment to feel the chemical release each of them provide.
The emotion is much easier to
#1 Realize
#2 understand
#3 let go
when it's broken down into a more descriptive word.
It's amazing how quickly we can go from one vivid emotion to the next in mere moments.
I noticed that the words descriptive of my feelings at the time would jump off the page at me.
I chose to write each word in different colors and fonts to approach it's effects.
The only thing I have to say is, try it :)
okay.
Here's something I really don't understand, something I am praying for some clarity and understanding.
WHY?
Ha ha, coming home has reminded me that I have ALL-WAYS been a Why "ask-er".
One day, while asking my mom why, why, why... she yelled, "I don't know Justina!".
I felt 6 again instantly. I remembered hearing those words directed at my constant inquiry, often.
It's only now, as a big girl, finally, that I can see how the answer is "I don't know!".
The line of questioning at that time is still burning in my ear. (I should let you know that the day they laid the first piece of pavement on this island, I sat watching, holding my breathe, crying. I couldn't believe they were letting this happen. The smell still makes me wince).
Okay, this leads to the line of questioning. My mom was happy to get an application for some road crew that got the job to pave a 3 million $ road from a little tiny logging town (population 199) to a private fishing resort, paid for by the government as a plan for more jobs?
I do not participate in public broadcasting services in any form, I certainly do not allow my sacred self to hear ANY part of the "news" so, I'm a little slow sometimes at the politics of the world or whatever. I hear that the "president" cut school $....again, music/library/sports and opened up umpteen millions of $ for more oil paved roads? to nowhere?
wtf?
Is anyone concerned?
Wondering Why?
Is this okay? Or just another one of those things we don't understand and still, we allow it to happen.
Which leads me to the real questions this blog demands from me.....
We (maybe) have established that our government has been created with a demand for money and power. They have left humanity and it's needs out of the equation of the foundation. Therefore we are not even a consideration. There are only 2 focuses, money and power. Are we on the same page? This is how things like oil paved roads come before our children and our welfare.
SO, now we find ourselves ill. In someway or another EVERYONE you know is ill.
Are we asking why?
To obtain power: control the money and the people.
To control the money: print it.
To control the people: own the food and the water supply.
The water and the food supply have been contaminated. We are being controlled by the food. We are being made stupid. Flouride's purpose is to calcify your pineal gland, the you. Flouride is making us docile (to lazy to care or stand up)
In our food we are given illness's such as ADHD, Diabetes, high blood pressure just with fake sugars alone.
Now we must take the pharmaceuticals (that are killing us) to lesson the symptoms and that require more pharmaceuticals?
There are very few reasons all of us will give up everything we have worked for.
#1 a family members health
#2 a family in trouble with "our" law
I believe all of us have a few family members that are in one or both of these situations. Dying of cancer or sitting in jail.
I'm getting a little off track here.
We have established the idea that whoever it is in power will say and do anything possible to keep the illusioned "power".
Is it unreasonable to suggest that there is some kind of "un-natural, natural selection going on? That there is a reason the market is FLOODED with tobacco and alcohol? Two VERY addicting substances that are highly taxed are in every home I have come across in more ways than one.
The sad illness of alcoholism is abundant.
The best way to kill off a culture: give them a system that doesn't work in the first place.
The best way to kill off the weak/poor: feed them cheap food made with chemicals. followed by chemical medicine
The best way to kill the mind: feed it an addiction it will carry as it's own. Rather than the epidemic it has become.
The best way to kill the human emotion: separate the people, let them put themselves in separate living pods, staring at screens that give the illusion of a life lived.
All country's, religions, and cultures in history, and it's stars have predicted this time in creation. A time when brother's will war with brother's, sisters will fight sister's, rains will fall, fires will flare, Will we succumb?
Nature will right itself EVERY TIME. If it feels like we (humans) are an illness, a cancer, it will rid itself of us.
Succumb? Why is this a word? Why is this an option?
WHY?
Ha ha, coming home has reminded me that I have ALL-WAYS been a Why "ask-er".
One day, while asking my mom why, why, why... she yelled, "I don't know Justina!".
I felt 6 again instantly. I remembered hearing those words directed at my constant inquiry, often.
It's only now, as a big girl, finally, that I can see how the answer is "I don't know!".
The line of questioning at that time is still burning in my ear. (I should let you know that the day they laid the first piece of pavement on this island, I sat watching, holding my breathe, crying. I couldn't believe they were letting this happen. The smell still makes me wince).
Okay, this leads to the line of questioning. My mom was happy to get an application for some road crew that got the job to pave a 3 million $ road from a little tiny logging town (population 199) to a private fishing resort, paid for by the government as a plan for more jobs?
I do not participate in public broadcasting services in any form, I certainly do not allow my sacred self to hear ANY part of the "news" so, I'm a little slow sometimes at the politics of the world or whatever. I hear that the "president" cut school $....again, music/library/sports and opened up umpteen millions of $ for more oil paved roads? to nowhere?
wtf?
Is anyone concerned?
Wondering Why?
Is this okay? Or just another one of those things we don't understand and still, we allow it to happen.
Which leads me to the real questions this blog demands from me.....
We (maybe) have established that our government has been created with a demand for money and power. They have left humanity and it's needs out of the equation of the foundation. Therefore we are not even a consideration. There are only 2 focuses, money and power. Are we on the same page? This is how things like oil paved roads come before our children and our welfare.
SO, now we find ourselves ill. In someway or another EVERYONE you know is ill.
Are we asking why?
To obtain power: control the money and the people.
To control the money: print it.
To control the people: own the food and the water supply.
The water and the food supply have been contaminated. We are being controlled by the food. We are being made stupid. Flouride's purpose is to calcify your pineal gland, the you. Flouride is making us docile (to lazy to care or stand up)
In our food we are given illness's such as ADHD, Diabetes, high blood pressure just with fake sugars alone.
Now we must take the pharmaceuticals (that are killing us) to lesson the symptoms and that require more pharmaceuticals?
There are very few reasons all of us will give up everything we have worked for.
#1 a family members health
#2 a family in trouble with "our" law
I believe all of us have a few family members that are in one or both of these situations. Dying of cancer or sitting in jail.
I'm getting a little off track here.
We have established the idea that whoever it is in power will say and do anything possible to keep the illusioned "power".
Is it unreasonable to suggest that there is some kind of "un-natural, natural selection going on? That there is a reason the market is FLOODED with tobacco and alcohol? Two VERY addicting substances that are highly taxed are in every home I have come across in more ways than one.
The sad illness of alcoholism is abundant.
The best way to kill off a culture: give them a system that doesn't work in the first place.
The best way to kill off the weak/poor: feed them cheap food made with chemicals. followed by chemical medicine
The best way to kill the mind: feed it an addiction it will carry as it's own. Rather than the epidemic it has become.
The best way to kill the human emotion: separate the people, let them put themselves in separate living pods, staring at screens that give the illusion of a life lived.
All country's, religions, and cultures in history, and it's stars have predicted this time in creation. A time when brother's will war with brother's, sisters will fight sister's, rains will fall, fires will flare, Will we succumb?
Nature will right itself EVERY TIME. If it feels like we (humans) are an illness, a cancer, it will rid itself of us.
Succumb? Why is this a word? Why is this an option?
suc·cumb/səˈkəm/
| Verb: |
| |
| Synonyms: | die - surrender - yield - submit - give in How about instead we say NO. How about we get pissed at the "things" we need to be pissed at. Not the messengers, not your family, not those who love you.... The things that have taken over YOUR life and YOUR mind.. Demand something different. You are what you eat. The fuel you put in your vessel matters. If your only putting in cheap and easy... the results are cheap and easy. It is not anyone's fault. Just stop participating. Stop allowing our government to make you pay to kill yourself. If God didn't make it, you don't need it. Simply. Your mind is so powerful and valuable, those in power will do anything to stop you from realizing this. What I don't understand is how sad and hurtful alcoholism is and how taboo the subject. It is killing most of us. All of us know someone that drinks enough to hurt. On our trip across the country I saw ghost towns, too many of them. Entire towns.... dead. At a gas station, I witnessed a little girl begging her mom to buy her some cranberry juice. The mom got it priced and yelled " $5? Are you kidding, No WAY! That's way to much, I'll take a pack of Marlboro's" ($8). Made my stomach sick. I wish I would have bought that girl her juice. When I got here, I was talking to my dad about our choice to change our life style, completely. I was saying how an apple has more energy than a cup of coffee... He replied, "yeah, well an apple's damn near $2 bucks here, I ain't paying that kind of money!" He had a beer in his hand. (it cost's more and you can drink a lot more of them than you can eat apples in a day). I am glad to be home. I have been looking for the understanding I am finding here. It has been a long journey, my heart has been here all these years, I am understanding why. I am here for a reason, God has a lot of faith in me, more than I can even believe. I will not falter, I will stand and follow his calling. I have been praying for doors to open and be seen. I have come filtering energy and sharing love, at times this is tough... in the end, it shall be rewarding for "everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end. xoxoxoxoxoxo justina  | |
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The "Great Remembering"
I am reminded it's a great time to write when I hear myself say, "how would I possibly put THESE feelings and thoughts into words?" The answer is always simple, do it. I'm also the kind of girl that loves to challenge herself, and when my ego says I can't, here I am.
I talked to a friend tonight, he was drunk, probably not what I needed, but nevertheless, I listened, of course.
Some things really stuck out to me. "get a life, of your own", " I can't figure you out", "why can't I just admit, I'm in love with a girl"?
Hmm, I've been working really hard on getting a life of my own. Seems the only difficulty I continue running into is; living life for others, and honestly, even living others lives. So, I guess I understand and relate to this statement, I often wish this of, well, everyone. Sometimes I push it a bit farther and wish for everyone to get a life, a sober one. Some say this is too far.
Now, "I can't figure you out"? This is opposite of, figuring yourself out, or getting your own life. At least I think? If I listen to what was really being asked... What is my agenda? What is my ulterior motive? What is it I'm trying to get? This is a weird one, because often it seems I am scrutinized because I have one, a big one, one that most are not used of being approached with.... LOVE.
I really don't have much time or patience left for anything else. I am absurdly tired of drama and chaos. I have spent more than enough of my life wrapped up in these things. I have spent the last years of my life remembering what is important and letting go of ALL the rest. I am learning how to let go, to go where I am called upon. I do not intend on bringing "things" with me on this journey.
As for being in love with another woman, I am confident in myself and the experiences life has to offer. God works in mysterious ways, I have faith in His calling, His plan. I only know that I work well with the woman I love, I look forward to sharing this journey with her on my team, our team.... the Spirit, as humans.
I believe I have lived this life loving people, loving souls. I have been gifted with the ability to see past the shallow stuff. It didn't come easy and didn't come without searching, practicing, learning, and asking for it's blessing, in all ways.
There is more to this than we understand, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I have faith, 100% raw faith, I believe God only gives you what you can handle, he has A LOT of faith in me. Often, It's hard to believe just how much. I know that we are all having a hard time, I know there is a lot of fear and suffering, I also know LOVE.
This chaos, this brothers fighting brothers has been prophesied for as far back as we know. We have come to the time of the "Great Unknowing", the saddest time in human existence. How are we doing? How are we communicating with others? What are we doing to get through this time? What do we need to do to wake Up? To know? to Remember?
Pray, LOVE, pray and love some more.
Meditate, remember calmness. Don't take anything personal, nothing others do or say is because of anyone else. There's love through every door. We are love, all there is, is love. Everything else is an illusion.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
xoxoxo
Justina
I talked to a friend tonight, he was drunk, probably not what I needed, but nevertheless, I listened, of course.
Some things really stuck out to me. "get a life, of your own", " I can't figure you out", "why can't I just admit, I'm in love with a girl"?
Hmm, I've been working really hard on getting a life of my own. Seems the only difficulty I continue running into is; living life for others, and honestly, even living others lives. So, I guess I understand and relate to this statement, I often wish this of, well, everyone. Sometimes I push it a bit farther and wish for everyone to get a life, a sober one. Some say this is too far.
Now, "I can't figure you out"? This is opposite of, figuring yourself out, or getting your own life. At least I think? If I listen to what was really being asked... What is my agenda? What is my ulterior motive? What is it I'm trying to get? This is a weird one, because often it seems I am scrutinized because I have one, a big one, one that most are not used of being approached with.... LOVE.
I really don't have much time or patience left for anything else. I am absurdly tired of drama and chaos. I have spent more than enough of my life wrapped up in these things. I have spent the last years of my life remembering what is important and letting go of ALL the rest. I am learning how to let go, to go where I am called upon. I do not intend on bringing "things" with me on this journey.
As for being in love with another woman, I am confident in myself and the experiences life has to offer. God works in mysterious ways, I have faith in His calling, His plan. I only know that I work well with the woman I love, I look forward to sharing this journey with her on my team, our team.... the Spirit, as humans.
I believe I have lived this life loving people, loving souls. I have been gifted with the ability to see past the shallow stuff. It didn't come easy and didn't come without searching, practicing, learning, and asking for it's blessing, in all ways.
There is more to this than we understand, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I have faith, 100% raw faith, I believe God only gives you what you can handle, he has A LOT of faith in me. Often, It's hard to believe just how much. I know that we are all having a hard time, I know there is a lot of fear and suffering, I also know LOVE.
This chaos, this brothers fighting brothers has been prophesied for as far back as we know. We have come to the time of the "Great Unknowing", the saddest time in human existence. How are we doing? How are we communicating with others? What are we doing to get through this time? What do we need to do to wake Up? To know? to Remember?
Pray, LOVE, pray and love some more.
Meditate, remember calmness. Don't take anything personal, nothing others do or say is because of anyone else. There's love through every door. We are love, all there is, is love. Everything else is an illusion.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
xoxoxo
Justina
Saturday, September 24, 2011
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