Red as Roses
Black as night
no one wins this fight tonight
love is dead
high as a kite
people die to win this fight
dead as dead
love no more
were at the core
when they say roar
i think of it more
people are hurting
never before
time is stopping
its time to change
come on baby
no more fear
aching in pain
shaking & shaking
its almost here
wipe those tears
its just a dream
or a crazy nightmare
~Taylor
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
the true meaning of Valentine's Day by Justina
Today is Valentine's Day of 2011. Hooooolay.
I typically use my birthday to attempt reflecting the last year of my life. You know, just really check in with myself. Ask myself the BIG questions; "How are you really doing playing this game called life?" This year however I have been doing it more than just on that special occasion.
Today I find myself asking me, "Just how are you doing loving yourself Justina, and how about the people around you? What is going on with the big L word you love to preach about?
***********************WARNING**************WARNING************WARNING*******
So, as this is Valentine's Day and I am asking these questions of myself, the answer hurts my feelings.
In the last year I have:
Left my daughter
Left my eldest son, watching him walk away homeless.
Left my husband
Lost my aunt to lung cancer, watched her go.
Left my Fayetteville Family
Left my best friend
Left my lover
Left my house
Left my job
Lost the trust of many, earned the trust of some.
Left my home and stayed away for too long
Left the me that I thought was her.
I fell down on my knees and begged for forgiveness, I promised I'd work on doing much more listening, to hear Her direction rather than going my way until She had to beat me over the head with a stick (figurative).
I asked the Creator to please, allow me to open my heart as to allow Her to live through me. I vowed to learn how to hear Her wisdom, become aware of Her intuition that guides me.
Everyday it's getting better. Because I am becoming aware, we are realizing ourselves. I am going to humbly list all of the things I have done this year for myself (it's always about myself) and because I listed the sad things I've done and the purpose of me sharing my wild thoughts is to enlighten, empower, and create.
I have;
Began a new relationship with my children.
Practiced yoga
Went running
Became a volunteer x3
Learned to find the nutrition my body deserves
Became smoke free
Created a drum bag out of recycled material for a friend :) I am working on my first order of 40!
Created a blog to share love
Created the LIFE project
Found a peaceful place and I listened.
Learned some good life tools
Got some good life recipes.
Learned how to feed my soul, cherish this vessel,treat it right, and love it!
Honor it's amazingness :)
I realized it is important for me to go back home to Alaska and learn much, much, much more.
I became aware that everything is already in place there, the people are ready, the plan is set in place.
I learned that me is really we.
This is what I must do to continue on this path;
Love myself a little more every moment
Feed myself, as I wish to be fed mentally, physically, emotionally, and creatively
Work myself so that I feel excited to get up everyday, doing exactly what I am here to do, with a passion one only gets from doing what she loves, for her people; the humans.
Be kind to myself and others.
BE NICE. It will take time to create new habits,
REMEMBER all we can do is our best, moment to moment.
Together we are going to create an environment that loves.
Together.
xoxo
Justina
p.s.
I realized how simple it is to sort my thoughts and come back from the mental slavery I find myself in by writing. Life is stressful, seems to be for everyone I know, I understand and accept that. I often struggle with finding myself making things harder for the people I love and lacking understanding. I wonder how I can be going through many big life changes while creating many helpful solutions and still beat myself up for not doing enough? for not loving enough?
Please pray for more grace and understanding, tolerance, and love.
I typically use my birthday to attempt reflecting the last year of my life. You know, just really check in with myself. Ask myself the BIG questions; "How are you really doing playing this game called life?" This year however I have been doing it more than just on that special occasion.
Today I find myself asking me, "Just how are you doing loving yourself Justina, and how about the people around you? What is going on with the big L word you love to preach about?
***********************WARNING**************WARNING************WARNING*******
(This is a pity party of sorts and this entry will include many low blows and frequent use of common foul language of the English language. Cursing will be used with the intent of exaggerating and decorating as to keep reader interested and make tears fall harder.)
So, as this is Valentine's Day and I am asking these questions of myself, the answer hurts my feelings.
In the last year I have:
Left my daughter
Left my eldest son, watching him walk away homeless.
Left my husband
Lost my aunt to lung cancer, watched her go.
Left my Fayetteville Family
Left my best friend
Left my lover
Left my house
Left my job
Lost the trust of many, earned the trust of some.
Left my home and stayed away for too long
Left the me that I thought was her.
I fell down on my knees and begged for forgiveness, I promised I'd work on doing much more listening, to hear Her direction rather than going my way until She had to beat me over the head with a stick (figurative).
I asked the Creator to please, allow me to open my heart as to allow Her to live through me. I vowed to learn how to hear Her wisdom, become aware of Her intuition that guides me.
~All the billions of cells my body is created of, choose to work together so efficiently that the moment I tell them with my thoughts to move a finger, all the cells necessary listen and act. WOW. Honestly blows me away to realize how amazing I am when I really think about it, and even more so as I write it. WOW.~
Everyday it's getting better. Because I am becoming aware, we are realizing ourselves. I am going to humbly list all of the things I have done this year for myself (it's always about myself) and because I listed the sad things I've done and the purpose of me sharing my wild thoughts is to enlighten, empower, and create.
I have;
Began a new relationship with my children.
Practiced yoga
Went running
Became a volunteer x3
Learned to find the nutrition my body deserves
Became smoke free
Created a drum bag out of recycled material for a friend :) I am working on my first order of 40!
Created a blog to share love
Created the LIFE project
a project that will change the world as we know it. A community of humans that are empowered, enlightened, and creative. Humans that have access to only healthy foods, together can feed the world.
Moved to the mountains with the things that fit in my trunk.Found a peaceful place and I listened.
Learned some good life tools
Got some good life recipes.
Learned how to feed my soul, cherish this vessel,treat it right, and love it!
Honor it's amazingness :)
I realized it is important for me to go back home to Alaska and learn much, much, much more.
I became aware that everything is already in place there, the people are ready, the plan is set in place.
I learned that me is really we.
This is what I must do to continue on this path;
Love myself a little more every moment
Feed myself, as I wish to be fed mentally, physically, emotionally, and creatively
Work myself so that I feel excited to get up everyday, doing exactly what I am here to do, with a passion one only gets from doing what she loves, for her people; the humans.
Be kind to myself and others.
We are young, we are learning. There is no way I could change what I wasn't aware of. The habit of beating ourselves up with our thoughts has been created over 1,000's (possibly billions ) of years, we are only now becoming aware of ourselves
BE NICE. It will take time to create new habits,
REMEMBER all we can do is our best, moment to moment.
Together we are going to create an environment that loves.
Together.
xoxo
Justina
p.s.
I realized how simple it is to sort my thoughts and come back from the mental slavery I find myself in by writing. Life is stressful, seems to be for everyone I know, I understand and accept that. I often struggle with finding myself making things harder for the people I love and lacking understanding. I wonder how I can be going through many big life changes while creating many helpful solutions and still beat myself up for not doing enough? for not loving enough?
Please pray for more grace and understanding, tolerance, and love.
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