I am reminded it's a great time to write when I hear myself say, "how would I possibly put THESE feelings and thoughts into words?" The answer is always simple, do it. I'm also the kind of girl that loves to challenge herself, and when my ego says I can't, here I am.
I talked to a friend tonight, he was drunk, probably not what I needed, but nevertheless, I listened, of course.
Some things really stuck out to me. "get a life, of your own", " I can't figure you out", "why can't I just admit, I'm in love with a girl"?
Hmm, I've been working really hard on getting a life of my own. Seems the only difficulty I continue running into is; living life for others, and honestly, even living others lives. So, I guess I understand and relate to this statement, I often wish this of, well, everyone. Sometimes I push it a bit farther and wish for everyone to get a life, a sober one. Some say this is too far.
Now, "I can't figure you out"? This is opposite of, figuring yourself out, or getting your own life. At least I think? If I listen to what was really being asked... What is my agenda? What is my ulterior motive? What is it I'm trying to get? This is a weird one, because often it seems I am scrutinized because I have one, a big one, one that most are not used of being approached with.... LOVE.
I really don't have much time or patience left for anything else. I am absurdly tired of drama and chaos. I have spent more than enough of my life wrapped up in these things. I have spent the last years of my life remembering what is important and letting go of ALL the rest. I am learning how to let go, to go where I am called upon. I do not intend on bringing "things" with me on this journey.
As for being in love with another woman, I am confident in myself and the experiences life has to offer. God works in mysterious ways, I have faith in His calling, His plan. I only know that I work well with the woman I love, I look forward to sharing this journey with her on my team, our team.... the Spirit, as humans.
I believe I have lived this life loving people, loving souls. I have been gifted with the ability to see past the shallow stuff. It didn't come easy and didn't come without searching, practicing, learning, and asking for it's blessing, in all ways.
There is more to this than we understand, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I have faith, 100% raw faith, I believe God only gives you what you can handle, he has A LOT of faith in me. Often, It's hard to believe just how much. I know that we are all having a hard time, I know there is a lot of fear and suffering, I also know LOVE.
This chaos, this brothers fighting brothers has been prophesied for as far back as we know. We have come to the time of the "Great Unknowing", the saddest time in human existence. How are we doing? How are we communicating with others? What are we doing to get through this time? What do we need to do to wake Up? To know? to Remember?
Pray, LOVE, pray and love some more.
Meditate, remember calmness. Don't take anything personal, nothing others do or say is because of anyone else. There's love through every door. We are love, all there is, is love. Everything else is an illusion.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
xoxoxo
Justina
No comments:
Post a Comment