The kids have their own; agendas, friends, plans etc., we have not ever put a lot into the holidays we are told to celebrate and frankly, mother's day wasn't any different. I'd like to believe they love me everyday rather than one special day a year!
Here's something I wrote while sitting there, thinking about how it felt to break down and give up. It turned into a personal prayer that I treasure.
Hope you find something you can take with you.
xoxo
Slowly, I began to realize the world did not revolve around me. That my life was not the reason for it's existence.
This shook me, I took notice of the desperation quivering in my voice. The internal earthquake was stretching it's arms, for the storm was just beginning to rise.
Every area of my mind was startled.
I was scrambling, desperately trying to grab on to anyone or anything. I could not find a foundation to stand upon. Over and over again I found myself on my knees, begging for mercy.
Lying in lies, surrounded by fear. Everything I tried to grab, shattered with my grasp.
Alone, everything I thought was real, gone.
Having no firm belief, no idea what faith really meant..........
Here I am, on my knees. Alone.
The tears have long dried, pointer finger exhausted, it can lift no more.
My heart, empty.
I surrender.
I surrender the need to do things my way, I surrender my life, my soul, my being unto you Dear God.
I can no longer walk, for I am tired.
I can no longer mother, for I am a child.
I must then ask, for you God, to carry me. Show me the way.
In my stillness, I beg of you to fill my heart with you love so I can share it with the world.
Receive my mind, for it's ability knows no limits.
My body, for it is healthy and strong.
My eyes, to see.
I give to you everything that I am, for I am your vessel.
jrk.
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