She's free!

Being ruled and controlled by an addiction has the ability to rule and control old thought processes. Smoking everyday @ the same times in the same places keep my thoughts running through the same circles. They stopped when I stopped.

"the only way to change something is to love it just the way it is"

Taking this approach in finally letting go of the habit, I started paying attention to the reasons I LOVE smoking. 

#1. Smoking requires us to stop whatever it is we are doing (a great excuse usually), go outside, and take 10-20 deep breathes. Didn't matter that these were smoke filled breathes, deep breathes all the same.

#2. Let's admit it, smokers are typically cool people, and deep thinkers. Going to the smoker's corner, you're sure to find a friendly companion. Meeting other smokers outside is easy, we already have something in common, we are considered outcasts by our addiction, we relate to each immediately. 

#3. Smoking tells others that I do not conform to the rules, I do things others do not approve of, I live outside the box. 

#4. Cigarettes have been the ONLY consistent thing in my life. They have become my friend. They have been beside me through all of my ups, downs, and in between for 23 years!  - pregnancies and nursing.

Accepting the reasons I love smoking allows me to put new habits in their place. 

#1. Take breaks,  stop often and take deep breathes. Go outside and take some fresh air breaks. Separate myself from what ever is going on and re-evaluate myself and my surroundings. Meditate. 

#2. Engage myself in conversations with people around me. Realize that everyone has something in common, we are sharing the human experience. We all love meeting new friends. Say hi :)

#3. I live my life outside the box, in MANY other ways than an addiction. I pride myself in my uniqueness and love to express it. (besides, cigarette addiction is becoming the norm and I am certainly not trying to be part of the norm in today's society.

#4 Smoking my problems away is really just procrastinating them. I am in the business of making love. In order to get there, I must be able to take an "issue", process it, and let it go. Smoking just shoves it somewhere in my body and I feel it later as a  physical pain.   I have a mind, great friends, new habits, and a therapist. I no longer have a use for cigarettes, I have replaced them.

In order to continue smoking, a language has been created. "trying to quit" is an impossible circle to break free from. You will be constantly "trying". 

Find a language that actually works for you. Instead of trying, I focused on being free. Each time the thought crossed my mind I said to myself and those around me... "I am proud/happy to be free from an addiction". I reminded myself that my family is proud to be free from the smoke that was a part of their lives. 

I learned a really cool way to keep on during a yoga class. While in a strenuous pose for what some may call tooooo long, the instructor taught us to ask our bodies if we should continue. This is AMAZING. If you ask your heart or lungs if they want to continue in this pose, they will smile and reassure you that you can do it! The moment you ask your head (ego) it will loudly protest. Your ego will tell you to stop this exercise immediately and go get a cigarette and a donut. 

The same with anything and everything. When my ego speaks out for "just one drag", I stop myself and ask parts of my body, I ask my family. This keeps me on the path I chose, addiction free. 

It's been 21 days. Some say this is the magic number. All the nicotine is out of my system, the habit is officially broken, I am free. Chains gone. 

P.S The last final step I took before actually quitting was letting go of my purse. One night, I dumped everything out and really looked at it. What is really necessary for me to carry around everywhere, everyday, through everything? Nothing was the answer. Once I let go of carrying stuff (cigarettes) around, it was much easier. There is nothing I need RIGHT NOW. I can go out to my glove box for lotion and chap-stick. I can ask the lady at the register for a pen (great conversation starter). Leaving my wallet in the car helps make a clear choice on purchases. The only reason I really carried a purse was to carry my cigarettes concealed. Indirectly free of two habits that no longer serve me. 

Best of all, I smell good :) 

xoxo Happy New Year, 

Cheers, to our best year yet!

Justina