sept. 7th 2011

Home
I will look for and create places in my life where I feel seen and understood for who I am. Craziness is sometimes thought of as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I will not beat my head against a wall. If I am constantly misread and misunderstood somewhere, I will go elsewhere to see if I am understood there. I cannot come to see and understand myself if I am misunderstood and accused of being other than who I think and feel myself to be. I need to feel in synch enough to balance out one opinion with another, one perception with another. I will go crazy trying to get approval where it is constantly withheld. I need not overreact and run away in horror, but I definitely owe it to myself to get a second opinion. The truest home that I have is within me - where God and I dwell together.
Home is where the heart is.
Home is not where you live but where they understand you.
Christian Morgenstern

is it possible?

that i have the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing children in the whole world?

I am writing more.

Yesterday I was visiting with a friend that created a habit for herself where she wakes up every morning by 5 am, makes coffee, rolls a joint, and plays her guitar for an hour. She's been doing this for years and years. Says her children absolutely LOVE waking up to her singing.
I have been aware for some time what I have to do in order to create the morning ritual I dream of. Although I'm not a New Year's Resolution kind of girl, this year I committed myself to doing this for myself. There are so many benefits to the morning I dream of; I love writing, running, coffee, I love sun rises (although I've only seen a few, when I stayed up all night).
Why do I hold myself back from this? I love expressing myself this way and yet I seem to keep myself from it. Today I am ready. I am open to the new experience, the habit I choose.
I figure just maybe, writing to myself about it will open myself up to actually DOING it.
I also love love.
so.... see you in the a.m
xoxo

The top of the circle is uphill

I noticed some time ago,
I was  turning around moments too soon.
giving up almost at the top of the hill,
speaking before thinking,
quitting before finishing,
dreaming and not doing,
acting without thinking,
sleeping too much, living too little.

I started paying a little more attention,
listening more,
following my heart, quieting my mind.
singing and dancing,
spending more time, here... now.
smiling and hugging everyone, every where, as often as possible.
Stopped waiting and started being still.
observing rather than judging,
allowing, no longer controlling.
accepting, kind, gentle.
learning, teaching.
being light,
flowing energies, beating heart.
maker of love.
in love.
Giving permission for the worlds heart to beat, as one.

travels

This journey across america with Josh and taylor has been phenomenal. What an amazing country we live in and what truly fantastic children have chosen ME to be their mother. I shall remember this, I shall put this feeling, this information in my thoughts to recall anytime I begin forgetting.

life on the road.

Ghost towns, corn fields, fields of cows, wonderful coffee, snuggles, good music, scenic routes, big trucks, rest areas, good snacks, healthy treats, farmers markets, laughter.
On the road with two teenagers = FUN!
xoxo

words

"say what you mean, mean what you say""say what you need to say"
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Indigenous languages build up, create honor, have more uplifting words than heavy. English, well... how many bad words do you know? How many negative, heavy?? We'd be here for days if we really tried to count.
How many uplifting? Those maybe countable.
If you REAAALLLY pay attention to the words that you say, you might be speechless.
The way we talk to ourselves is hurting everyone.
Is it really crazy?
Do you really not know?
Do you really not care?
Will you really want to do it more in a minute? tomorrow?
What is bored?
You can't? or won't?
Later??
Always????
Exaggerating in conversations and stories brings exaggeration to our lives and most of us don't really need that right now.
Need?? What do we really need anyway?
I found myself saying "I don't care" to almost every question asked of me.
Taylor: "can go I go out and play"
Me: "I don't care"
Bill: "where shall we go eat?"
Me: " I don't care".
Eventually, I really didn't care, about anything. Sad.
When I realized that I was talking down on myself and that I have the free will to change, I began working towards new habits in the language I use.
I now choose replies such as; "Surprise me, You choose, that would be great, Sure, Have fun, that would be lovely".  These replies bring the responses that I am sending out! I get many more surprises and have a lot more fun :) Most importantly, I care.
If this has just come to your attention, you may find yourself appalled and completely flabbergasted with the things that we are saying.
Take deep breathes and just concentrate on one at a time.

Josh has been working with me on the word crazy. I used it often, when I'd say it, he'd ask, "is it really?". Every time, it was actually perfect synchronicity that had enticed the word.

A friend cam over the other day and has begun an awesome activity, every morning when he wakes up, he is writing down a word that describes something he is grateful for in his world. Imagine how this will feel looking at 30 words that describe how awesome you are?
Imagine pages full.
WOW. YES!
We seem to know to many things that we don't like about ourselves and not nearly enough that describe just how amazing we are.
And we are AMAZING!

Love and Light
xoxo
justina
p.s

manifestations of Laurel Nest Yurts

I began very intrigued, truth resonated through me as I remembered the powers within.
Thoughts become things. The hardest part is figuring out what you really want and offering prayer... then letting go.
It is said that manifesting is kind of like sending an email of your request. If you ask clearly and it is in the best interest of the highest good, be patient and grateful as if you already have it. If you doubt or nag, wishes are halted.
It's been one year since Josh and I moved to Asheville. When we embarked on this journey, our intentions were to find a community that would grow with us spiritually, mentally, physically, creatively, etc. I had spent some time researching and found YURT communities. Immediately I felt like this is where I belonged.
(I had just begun sewing again after a long drought, made a couple drum bags for friends and began dreaming of an industrial sewing machine!! Sewing big 'ol drum bags on a basic machine often resembled wrestling a giant).
As soon as we got to Asheville, we started meeting new people, asking questions and getting familiar with the area. We were frequently asked about LEAF festival and told that it was where we must go to find what we were searching for.
Josh and I found ourselves with rent money in hand the day of the festival... and knew that we had to roll it. We both had a determination and a call to go.
10 minutes after arriving, we sat down by the lake to absorb the surrounding energy and let it all sink in. A beautiful Goddess came and sat down near us.
My inner self said very loud and clear, "well, what are you waiting for, say HI".
Within 5 minutes of our conversation with Ms. Marnie Kate, she informed us that she lived in a Yurt community where they make yurts, sewing heavy canvas on industrial sewing machines.
Exactly.
We were invited to join her and met the crowd of Laurel Nest Yurts. It felt like we were aware in a dream. Each person that we met and talked to felt like home. We enjoyed the weekend helping at their sushi stand and relished in the power of intention.
We soon found ourselves living at the Yurt community sewing yurts and utilizing scrap pieces to make drum bags.
This was the first of many manifestations that have been made. Our minds seems to go through many things we don't want in order to see what it is we really want. I think that I was making the mistake of giving up to early, letting lies distort the truth. The next step, letting go is also where we get caught up in analyzing whether or not we "think" it's possible, looking @ only a couple of ways our dreams could come true. We start worrying, justifying, finding ways to live without our dreams, simplifying them away with our doubts. Letting go is an art that must be practiced to obtain.
In practicing stillness I have found the greatness, within and without.
xoxo
Justina

xoxo

Thank you Creator for this day.
I open myself up for you, I am
silent as to hear your calling, to enjoy the experiences life has to
offer.
I intend to use this day to focus on healing hurts, nurishing love,
creating laughter and light everywhere I shine.
I shall honor the souls I am
blessed to meet,
share in the gifts I have been blessed to
receive,
frolick in the joy that constantly lingers in the path I follow,
your path.
Your guidance surrounds and protects me, your light fills
me.
Pleased to allow light to fill voids, to release tension where fluidity
begs to reside.

For the highest good of all, I receive your
abundance.
xoxo
love and light

"I am
all that I ever wished to be. Me".

Justina R.
Kerstein

I emailed this prayer to the intentions of the highest good, (Tony) and received this letter :)

Intentions just don't get any better that this! Can I please put it in our next newsletter and share it with the world!

Thanks so much, Justina. If you are not a dedicated writer or author, you certainly should be. Your words are very, very inspiring . . .

For the Highest Good,

Tony

emotions

I find myself this morning attempting the control of my emotions. huh. This has been attempted millions of times. I am a double pisces with the amplifier planet. Uncommon. Due to the emotions pisces carry, a double pisces is probably too much for one person.
So, now that I get why these emotions have a tendency to try rule my world, here I sit, aware that it's creeping up.
Jealousy? Seems absurd. I'm letting the feelings come through the best I can, without resistance. I know that resisting them turns into an instant nightmare. Pretending it's not happening works for a little while, than like puke when it's triggered, it just dumps out all over the place with no regard as to who, what, or where it splatters.
SO, here I am. I am opening myself up, allowing it to be.
My logic mind continues to argue that it's silly, even if there's truth to my stories, who really cares? Is it a big deal? Am I willing to do anything different to get different results? No. So, then what?
Maybe, it's just okay for me to be jealous. I understant that my decisions and actions have led me here. I understand that I am choosing to let go, and let be.
Even if it hurts, even if I want to scream and cry, and cling.
I know it's best for me to let go.

today.

attempting the lift up, imagining smiles.
Feel like I'm trying to play pac man in a donkey kong world.
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
Laid all my cards on the table and it turns out...
we're playing dominoes.
Brought all my equipment, to the wrong field.
Looks like it's time to start over, fresh....
I kind of like it in this brand new place.
I believe they're nice here. Just because.
There's no longer a debt to pay. No need to be "paid back", for us to continue suffering for past actions.
It's a brand new day, a totally new idea, slate clean.
There's no slamming hammers on heads, stealing woman, running, chasing or dying.
It's all brand new.
All the dreams of loving, caring, sharing, dreaming, being, laughing, creating, smooching, playing, singing, and dancing are not only dreams. It turns out, the grass is actually greener on the other side. It wasn't silly of me to think "why am I suffering when around the corner( belief, mindset, trap), there is love?"

I am going with faith, 100%.  I believe with all of my heart there is something more.


The fear of this demension has no place where I'm going. When you get on the big canoe, the only thing that can come with you is faith. It takes up 100% of the room.

I am so grateful for a love that is more than holding on. A love that is completely un-selfish, a love that has learned how to let go, gracefully. I live it, I honor it.

within it

The systems of which we abide have become habitatable.
We are becoming not only tolerant of the pychosis, but seem to have learned to thrive off of it, within it.
The habits and the rituals, the rights and the wrongs, in and outs are so extreme, we have been forced to find the beauty within the chaos, the positive in and through the most horrendous of catastrophe's.