human emotion in words

 

I began realizing the effects of our feelings and their relation to emotions and the language we use to express them. In observation, I noticed that for the most part, we humans expressed only a few symniotic feeling words; okay, good, happy, mad, sad, pissed, depressed, fine, alright, and really mad. 

I also realized that once we "decide" we are one of these description words, we can be there all day or even days if we want! 

blah blah blah. 

At some point I was driven to research lists of feeling words.

 I wrote down all of the words that popped out to me. From that list, I sat down with markers and chose words that stood out from the second list. The poster board signs below are examples of words I began with.

I didn't want to start my blog with some of these words. Words that described how I felt when I began this "self journey".
A few things happened as I began hanging these around the house.
When you read each word and give yourself a moment to feel the chemical release each of them provide.
The emotion is much easier to
#1 Realize
#2 understand
#3 let go
when it's broken down into a more descriptive word.

It's amazing how quickly we can go from one vivid emotion to the next in mere moments.
I noticed that the words descriptive of my feelings at the time would jump off the page at me.
I chose to write each word in different colors and fonts to approach it's effects.
The only thing I have to say is, try it :)

okay.

Here's something I really don't understand, something I am praying for some clarity and understanding.
WHY?
Ha ha, coming home has reminded me that I have ALL-WAYS been a Why "ask-er".
One day, while asking my mom why, why, why... she yelled, "I don't know Justina!".
I felt 6 again instantly. I remembered hearing those words directed at my constant inquiry, often.
It's only now, as a big girl, finally, that I can see how the answer is "I don't know!".

The line of questioning at that time is still burning in my ear. (I should let you know that the day they laid the first piece of pavement on this island, I sat watching, holding my breathe, crying. I couldn't believe they were letting this happen. The smell still makes me wince).
Okay, this leads to the line of questioning. My mom was happy to get an application for some road crew that got the job to pave a 3 million $ road from a little tiny logging town (population 199) to a private fishing resort, paid for by the government as a plan for more jobs?
I do not participate in public broadcasting services in any form, I certainly do not allow my sacred self to hear ANY part of the "news" so, I'm a little slow sometimes at the politics of the world or whatever. I hear that the "president" cut school $....again, music/library/sports and opened up umpteen millions of $ for more oil paved roads? to nowhere?
wtf?
Is anyone concerned?
Wondering Why?
Is this okay? Or just another one of those things we don't understand and still, we allow it to happen.
Which leads me to the real questions this blog demands from me.....

We (maybe) have established that our government has been created with a demand for money and power. They have left humanity and it's needs out of the equation of the foundation. Therefore we are not even a consideration. There are only 2 focuses, money and power. Are we on the same page? This is how things like oil paved roads come before our children and our welfare.
SO, now we find ourselves ill. In someway or another EVERYONE you know is ill.
Are we asking why?

To obtain power: control the money and the people.
To control the money: print it.
To control the people: own the food and the water supply.
The water and the food supply have been contaminated. We are being controlled by the food. We are being made stupid. Flouride's purpose is to calcify your pineal gland, the you. Flouride is making us docile (to lazy to care or stand up)
In our food we are given illness's such as ADHD, Diabetes, high blood pressure just with fake sugars alone.
Now we must take the pharmaceuticals (that are killing us) to lesson the symptoms and that require more pharmaceuticals?
There are very few reasons all of us will give up everything we have worked for.
#1 a family members health
#2 a family in trouble with "our" law
I believe all of us have a few family members that are in one or both of these situations. Dying of cancer or sitting in jail.
I'm getting a little off track here.
We have established the idea that whoever it is in power will say and do anything possible to keep the illusioned "power".

Is it unreasonable to suggest that there is some kind of "un-natural, natural selection going on? That there is a reason the market is FLOODED with tobacco and alcohol? Two VERY addicting substances that are highly taxed are in every home I have come across in more ways than one.
The sad illness of alcoholism is abundant.
The best way to kill off a culture: give them a system that doesn't work in the first place.
The best way to kill off the weak/poor: feed them cheap food made with chemicals. followed by chemical medicine
The best way to kill the mind: feed it an addiction it will carry as it's own. Rather than the epidemic it has become.
The best way to kill the human emotion: separate the people, let them put themselves in separate living pods, staring at screens that give the illusion of a life lived.

All country's, religions, and cultures in history, and it's stars have predicted this time in creation. A time when brother's will war with brother's, sisters will fight sister's, rains will fall, fires will flare, Will we succumb?
Nature will right itself EVERY TIME. If it feels like we (humans) are an illness, a cancer, it will rid itself of us.
Succumb? Why is this a word? Why is this an option?

suc·cumb/səˈkəm/

Verb:	Fail to resist (pressure, temptation, or some other negative force). Die from the effect of a disease or injury.
Synonyms:	die - surrender - yield - submit - give in How about instead we say NO.  How about we get pissed at the "things" we need to be pissed at.  Not the messengers, not your family, not those who love you....  The things that have taken over YOUR life and YOUR mind.. Demand something different. You are what you eat. The fuel you put in your vessel matters. If your only putting in cheap and easy... the results are cheap and easy.  It is not anyone's fault. Just stop participating. Stop allowing our government to make you pay to kill yourself. If God didn't make it, you don't need it. Simply. Your mind is so powerful and valuable, those in power will do anything to stop you from realizing this.  What I don't understand is how sad and hurtful alcoholism is and how taboo the subject. It is killing most of us. All of us know someone that drinks enough to hurt. On our trip across the country I saw ghost towns, too many of them. Entire towns.... dead.  At a gas station, I witnessed a little girl begging her mom to buy her some cranberry juice. The mom got it priced and yelled " $5? Are you kidding, No WAY! That's way to much, I'll take a pack of Marlboro's" ($8).  Made my stomach  sick. I wish I would have bought that girl her juice. When I got here, I was talking to my dad about our choice to change our life style, completely. I was saying how an apple has more energy than a cup of coffee... He replied, "yeah, well an apple's damn near $2 bucks here, I ain't paying that kind of money!" He had a beer in his hand. (it cost's more and you can drink a lot more of them than you can eat apples in a day). I am glad to be home. I have been looking for the understanding I am finding here. It has been a long journey, my heart has been here all these years, I am understanding why. I am here for a reason, God has a lot of faith in me, more than I can even believe. I will not falter, I will stand and follow his calling. I have been praying for doors to open and be seen. I have come filtering energy and sharing love, at times this is tough... in the end, it shall be rewarding for "everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end. xoxoxoxoxoxo justina

The "Great Remembering"

I am reminded it's a great time to write when I hear myself say, "how would I possibly put THESE feelings and thoughts into words?" The answer is always simple, do it. I'm also the kind of girl that loves to challenge herself, and when my ego says I can't, here I am.
I talked to a friend tonight, he was drunk, probably not what I needed, but nevertheless, I listened, of course.
Some things really stuck out to me. "get a life, of your own", " I can't figure you out", "why can't I just admit, I'm in love with a girl"?

Hmm, I've been working really hard on getting a life of my own. Seems the only difficulty I continue running into is; living life for others, and honestly, even living others lives. So, I guess I understand and relate to this statement, I often wish this of, well, everyone. Sometimes I push it a bit farther and wish for everyone to get a life, a sober one. Some say this is too far.

Now, "I can't figure you out"? This is opposite of, figuring yourself out, or getting your own life. At least I think? If I listen to what was really being asked... What is my agenda? What is my ulterior motive? What is it I'm trying to get? This is a weird one, because often it seems I am scrutinized because I have one, a big one, one that most are not used of being approached with.... LOVE.

I really don't have much time or patience left for anything else. I am absurdly tired of drama and chaos. I have spent more than enough of my life wrapped up in these things. I have spent the last years of my life remembering what is important and letting go of ALL the rest. I am learning how to let go, to go where I am called upon. I do not intend on bringing "things" with me on this journey.

As for being in love with another woman, I am confident in myself and the experiences life has to offer. God works in mysterious ways, I have faith in His calling, His plan. I only know that I work well with the woman I love, I look forward to sharing this journey with her on my team, our team.... the Spirit, as humans.
I believe I have lived this life loving people, loving souls. I have been gifted with the ability to see past the shallow stuff. It didn't come easy and didn't come without searching, practicing, learning, and asking for it's blessing, in all ways.
There is more to this than we understand, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I have faith, 100% raw faith, I believe God only gives you what you can handle, he has A LOT of faith in me. Often, It's hard to believe just how much. I know that we are all having a hard time, I know there is a lot of fear and suffering, I also know LOVE.
This chaos, this brothers fighting brothers has been prophesied for as far back as we know. We have come to the time of the "Great Unknowing", the saddest time in human existence.  How are we doing? How are we communicating with others? What are we doing to get through this time? What do we need to do to wake Up? To know? to Remember?
Pray, LOVE, pray and love some more.
Meditate, remember calmness. Don't take anything personal, nothing others do or say is because of anyone else. There's love through every door. We are love, all there is, is love. Everything else is an illusion.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
xoxoxo
Justina

An important 5 minute message

sept. 7th 2011

Home
I will look for and create places in my life where I feel seen and understood for who I am. Craziness is sometimes thought of as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I will not beat my head against a wall. If I am constantly misread and misunderstood somewhere, I will go elsewhere to see if I am understood there. I cannot come to see and understand myself if I am misunderstood and accused of being other than who I think and feel myself to be. I need to feel in synch enough to balance out one opinion with another, one perception with another. I will go crazy trying to get approval where it is constantly withheld. I need not overreact and run away in horror, but I definitely owe it to myself to get a second opinion. The truest home that I have is within me - where God and I dwell together.
Home is where the heart is.
Home is not where you live but where they understand you.
Christian Morgenstern

is it possible?

that i have the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing children in the whole world?

I am writing more.

Yesterday I was visiting with a friend that created a habit for herself where she wakes up every morning by 5 am, makes coffee, rolls a joint, and plays her guitar for an hour. She's been doing this for years and years. Says her children absolutely LOVE waking up to her singing.
I have been aware for some time what I have to do in order to create the morning ritual I dream of. Although I'm not a New Year's Resolution kind of girl, this year I committed myself to doing this for myself. There are so many benefits to the morning I dream of; I love writing, running, coffee, I love sun rises (although I've only seen a few, when I stayed up all night).
Why do I hold myself back from this? I love expressing myself this way and yet I seem to keep myself from it. Today I am ready. I am open to the new experience, the habit I choose.
I figure just maybe, writing to myself about it will open myself up to actually DOING it.
I also love love.
so.... see you in the a.m
xoxo

The top of the circle is uphill

I noticed some time ago,
I was  turning around moments too soon.
giving up almost at the top of the hill,
speaking before thinking,
quitting before finishing,
dreaming and not doing,
acting without thinking,
sleeping too much, living too little.

I started paying a little more attention,
listening more,
following my heart, quieting my mind.
singing and dancing,
spending more time, here... now.
smiling and hugging everyone, every where, as often as possible.
Stopped waiting and started being still.
observing rather than judging,
allowing, no longer controlling.
accepting, kind, gentle.
learning, teaching.
being light,
flowing energies, beating heart.
maker of love.
in love.
Giving permission for the worlds heart to beat, as one.

travels

This journey across america with Josh and taylor has been phenomenal. What an amazing country we live in and what truly fantastic children have chosen ME to be their mother. I shall remember this, I shall put this feeling, this information in my thoughts to recall anytime I begin forgetting.

life on the road.

Ghost towns, corn fields, fields of cows, wonderful coffee, snuggles, good music, scenic routes, big trucks, rest areas, good snacks, healthy treats, farmers markets, laughter.
On the road with two teenagers = FUN!
xoxo

words

"say what you mean, mean what you say""say what you need to say"
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Indigenous languages build up, create honor, have more uplifting words than heavy. English, well... how many bad words do you know? How many negative, heavy?? We'd be here for days if we really tried to count.
How many uplifting? Those maybe countable.
If you REAAALLLY pay attention to the words that you say, you might be speechless.
The way we talk to ourselves is hurting everyone.
Is it really crazy?
Do you really not know?
Do you really not care?
Will you really want to do it more in a minute? tomorrow?
What is bored?
You can't? or won't?
Later??
Always????
Exaggerating in conversations and stories brings exaggeration to our lives and most of us don't really need that right now.
Need?? What do we really need anyway?
I found myself saying "I don't care" to almost every question asked of me.
Taylor: "can go I go out and play"
Me: "I don't care"
Bill: "where shall we go eat?"
Me: " I don't care".
Eventually, I really didn't care, about anything. Sad.
When I realized that I was talking down on myself and that I have the free will to change, I began working towards new habits in the language I use.
I now choose replies such as; "Surprise me, You choose, that would be great, Sure, Have fun, that would be lovely".  These replies bring the responses that I am sending out! I get many more surprises and have a lot more fun :) Most importantly, I care.
If this has just come to your attention, you may find yourself appalled and completely flabbergasted with the things that we are saying.
Take deep breathes and just concentrate on one at a time.

Josh has been working with me on the word crazy. I used it often, when I'd say it, he'd ask, "is it really?". Every time, it was actually perfect synchronicity that had enticed the word.

A friend cam over the other day and has begun an awesome activity, every morning when he wakes up, he is writing down a word that describes something he is grateful for in his world. Imagine how this will feel looking at 30 words that describe how awesome you are?
Imagine pages full.
WOW. YES!
We seem to know to many things that we don't like about ourselves and not nearly enough that describe just how amazing we are.
And we are AMAZING!

Love and Light
xoxo
justina
p.s

manifestations of Laurel Nest Yurts

I began very intrigued, truth resonated through me as I remembered the powers within.
Thoughts become things. The hardest part is figuring out what you really want and offering prayer... then letting go.
It is said that manifesting is kind of like sending an email of your request. If you ask clearly and it is in the best interest of the highest good, be patient and grateful as if you already have it. If you doubt or nag, wishes are halted.
It's been one year since Josh and I moved to Asheville. When we embarked on this journey, our intentions were to find a community that would grow with us spiritually, mentally, physically, creatively, etc. I had spent some time researching and found YURT communities. Immediately I felt like this is where I belonged.
(I had just begun sewing again after a long drought, made a couple drum bags for friends and began dreaming of an industrial sewing machine!! Sewing big 'ol drum bags on a basic machine often resembled wrestling a giant).
As soon as we got to Asheville, we started meeting new people, asking questions and getting familiar with the area. We were frequently asked about LEAF festival and told that it was where we must go to find what we were searching for.
Josh and I found ourselves with rent money in hand the day of the festival... and knew that we had to roll it. We both had a determination and a call to go.
10 minutes after arriving, we sat down by the lake to absorb the surrounding energy and let it all sink in. A beautiful Goddess came and sat down near us.
My inner self said very loud and clear, "well, what are you waiting for, say HI".
Within 5 minutes of our conversation with Ms. Marnie Kate, she informed us that she lived in a Yurt community where they make yurts, sewing heavy canvas on industrial sewing machines.
Exactly.
We were invited to join her and met the crowd of Laurel Nest Yurts. It felt like we were aware in a dream. Each person that we met and talked to felt like home. We enjoyed the weekend helping at their sushi stand and relished in the power of intention.
We soon found ourselves living at the Yurt community sewing yurts and utilizing scrap pieces to make drum bags.
This was the first of many manifestations that have been made. Our minds seems to go through many things we don't want in order to see what it is we really want. I think that I was making the mistake of giving up to early, letting lies distort the truth. The next step, letting go is also where we get caught up in analyzing whether or not we "think" it's possible, looking @ only a couple of ways our dreams could come true. We start worrying, justifying, finding ways to live without our dreams, simplifying them away with our doubts. Letting go is an art that must be practiced to obtain.
In practicing stillness I have found the greatness, within and without.
xoxo
Justina